Top Ten

Top 10 signs that you are ready (and sick of waiting) for the golf trip.........

1) Every night you do 100 crunches in hope that your six pack might be ready for the beach

2) You accompany your 100 crunches with 7 pushups (because that is all you can do without stopping for a) a beer, b) a cigarette, c) a dip or d) your inhaler)

3) You had to go to the doctor to get treatment for the tendinitis on your index finger from scanning through page after page of raunchy t-shirts in hope of winning a bottle of liquor

4) You are going to the range three nights a week hoping that the golf fairy stops by and gives you something resembling a swing

5) You have a putter lying on your living room floor for use during commercials and in between sets of crunches

6) You have been pounding bottles of Amstel Light in hopes of building up a tolerance for alcohol prior to the trip

7) You have been to Dicks Sporting Goods 43 times to look for balls, socks, shoes (even though you bought a new pair last year), shirts, hats, sunglasses,.........

8) You have a "how to" poker book on your night stand trying to figure out how to win Texas hold em

9) You spend 2 hours a night on i-Tunes trying to come up with the perfect "Tampa Mix"

10) You secretly ask doctor to also treat tendinitis in elbow that has developed during 24 consecutive nights of binge masturbation in hopes of not juicing your pants at the strip club

11) You spend the last few saturday nights trying to stay up as late as you can knowing you are sleeping a total of 9 hours May 6th through 10th.

12) You look at your kids eating breakfast on Saturday and Sunday mornings and think "this is when I would tee off" at Rich Maiden ten years ago.

13) Your front yard has enough divots from your winter practice shots that you need to re-seed.

14) You try to put on your plaid pants from years past and realize you are over 30 and could use a few weeks of eating rice cakes and ice cubes.

15) Your coworkers say "you got your golf trip coming up, huh???" and they say it knowing you will be completely useless for the 2 weeks afterwards.

16) Your son is 6 years old and you think, "dag-nabbit, that sonabitch will be on to me any day now" when it comes to going away for 4 days to play golf and drink heavily. Fuck. I think he will figure it out before my wife.